In Heaven …

* Your tongue will be firmly in your cheek 🙂

* Your favourite shoes will not wear out, nor will you have to ‘wear them in’
* You will not find you are out of ink just as you are in the middle of printing the presentation you need for a meeting in half an hour
* Chocolate will not bring pimples, guilt or thunder-thighs
* Skinny jeans will look good on everyone
* Alcohol will make you feel good without inducing irresponsible behaviour
* Things that look great on you will not go out of style
* Tupperware will continue to carry the colours you’ve already begun collecting
* And will be sensibly priced
* Choruses will not be overpadded with holys, hallelujahs or whoas
* High heels will not cripple the balls of your feet
* Drivers will realise that their cars are, amazingly, equipped with indicators
* Children will LOVE the food that you cook
* Wives will not schedule their husbands to the nth degree
* Husbands will beg for DIY chores to complete
* Travel will be instantaneous, and so will changes to your outfit if the weather is not what you expected
* There will be no such thing as ‘no coverage’
* (Memories of) catastrophic weather will be referred to as “act of man’s dumb idea to be independent from God and the resulting universal fallout”
* DVDs will arrange themselves in alphabetical order in the store
* Laptop speakers will be loud enough to fill a classroom
* Books & music won’t go out of print
* There will be no such thing as a ‘bad hair day’
* People will finally ‘get’ you
* A mowed lawn will stay mowed.


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